Fifty shades of Brown

Never in my life did I think I would have such an encounter. An encounter that would change all my perspectives on that of which my knowledge was already so vague.

It was a summer morning. The sun was beaming down, scorching all below it and dominating the sky with its radiant glow. I sought comfort in shaded areas that provided that much needed relief from the quite alien climate. This was when my eye caught his. A mere glimpse was all I needed to know that this would be a day quite unlike the others.

He stood there, dark and mysterious. He was unlike anything I had seen before. He was short and his shape, slightly distorted, scared me but I found it intriguing. He remained still but watched me with an icy glare. I felt compelled to go over and introduce myself so I slowly rose from a position that seemed like I was about to meditate and brushed off the bits of freshly cut grass from my skirt. Even with the vast distance between me and my target, my eyes could not draw themselves away from him. Like a magnet, he had caught my attention and I was not about to stop giving it. My heart began to pound. It felt like it was about to burst its way through my chest and my lungs were working overtime to oxidise the blood that rushed through my heart, through my veins and through my body. Before I knew it, each trembling step had led me to stand in front of him. Without thinking, my hand slowly reached out from beside me, to touch him for the first time. He felt cold but that didn't matter. It felt good. Until, that is, I spotted something that took me back. My eyes suddenly lost his gaze in the realization that things were not quite right and my hand broke our physical connection. His odd shape, didn't matter. His frosty skin, didn't matter. The fact that he was dusted with breadcrumbs, DID matter. I impulsively went in for the kill though. Looks should not matter, I thought to myself, as I leaned in to feed my hunger for him. I closed my eyes and wrapped my lips around him to take my first taste of what I anticipated to be a euphoric experience.

I was wrong.

I immediately spat out the contents of my mouth with a face of disdain. This was not what I had expected at all. I felt confused, disappointed and really bloody HOT.

Moral of the story: If the choc ice looks like it has been bashed about and is covered in the contents of your freezer, don't eat it. Your taste buds will hate you for it. Suck on an ice cube instead.

Mr Brown himself.